Saturday, December 10, 2011

Accepting My Failure

As I scanned over the sheets of paper filled with numerical nonsense, my head starts hurting as it tries to find whatever random information it could pull out that would fill these empty spaces. I scratch my head again, as if it would help. I start cursing in my head, saying any damn curse word that I could have think of; and perhaps even inventing some in the process. (I was scared that my imagination would expand, and the words would accidentally slip out of my mouth.) I try to pray to every spirit out there or any ghostly figure to magically input some numbers into my head and that maybe, just maybe, it would turn out to be the right answer.

Sigh, I was such in distress during the exam because I felt like such a failure. Although Asians are stereotypically known to be good at math; well...yeah not all of us are. (Duh, that's why it's called a stereotype.) BUT! This isn't just a regular business calculus course, well at least, not to me. And this isn't the proudest thing I want to say, and am actually embarrassed. I'm repeating this shit for the second time. Have I been doing better than the previous time I took it? Yes, I have. I understand it a lot more now, and I passed all my quizzes and midterm. But just barely passed it. Repeating it for a second time is one time, to do a lot better is another. So I sat there, thinking about the future. (I know, when I should have been focusing on the exam. But it's not like I would know how to solve it any better.) So.. what happens if I fail this class, again? What if I barely manage to pass with a C-, should I retake it? If I retake it, how will it affect my application into the business program? Repeating it for the third time.. really Tifa?!

I felt so stupid. Really stupid. But I know I'm not. Did I work harder than I did last semester for Math? Yes, a bit. But not that much harder. I usually browse through the notes a day before the quiz, and do a few questions of the book. That's it. I don't analyse it over, and over again like I should have. I thought that since I am repeating it, most of the things should come natural for me. And some has, but there were still a lot I needed to study for. I may claim to not be stupid in that context, but am I stupid for not putting in more effort the second time? HELL YES.

But sitting here, and regretting would not do anything for me. This is a lesson for me to learn (second time to learn actually.. cough.) I've decided to ask advice from the counsellors to see what my options are, and see if I can 'detour' my way to the school I want. I am really determine to get there. And if I end up retaking this math course.. not only will I have to sit through a whole semester of class again, but also say good bye to $500. .____. FML!

Random Important Fact: I went to get a haircut and got 2 inches of hair off my head after the math exam. That's one way to deal with it. :)

So remember to stay in school kiddies, AND work hard!

/End of the "Failure of the Day." My soup for my Pho is boiling. :3 I'm sooo hungry right now! Yumm, you jelly?


  1. I agree work hard!! and that pho looks delish!!

  2. yum! i could use a bowl of pho right now

  3. ZOMG pho D: yupp so jealous! ahh exam mind blanks happen to me all the time @___@

  4. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's done anyway--happens to the best of us. In a few months, you'll look back at this as just one exam. Smileee, you just got a haircut. :)

  5. hang in there. Calculus is really dry and not easy. I had to take it 3 times and still haven't passed it :( I'm sure you'll make it the third time and the counsellor will prolly show u options that aren't dependent on calc :)

    That pho looks yumm. I haven't had pho for a looong time!


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