Friday, October 18, 2013

Living in the Present


For over the past two years, I've been fighting an inner battle with myself to move on from a past relationship. Not gonna lie, I'm still battling it but I am in a lot better place than years ago no doubt. There's a specific quote that I want to share with y'all.

“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”

After the relationship, I felt really lost. But over time I've managed to find my happiness again, and I finally understood what they meant on television to "find yourself." Because that's what I did. I found myself, and I was "happier" than ever. I really was. For once in myself I realized the importance of BEING YOURSELF rather than trying to act a certain way to make others like you. 

The problem was, when I went to bed, or am alone on public transit, my mind tends to wander. And 9/10 times, it's to HIM. The past. How it was "better than it was." For a long time, I didn't see anything wrong with it. The thoughts actually comforted me, without realizing that it was robbing me away from my reality. Then something in me snapped last week while on a daily bus ride to school. Everything I have right now will not last forever. You would think the average human would learn that after having people come in and out of their lives so frequently. I guess the thought of forever is so comforting, we always find a way or an excuse to believe in it again.

I'm a really lucky girl.

I have TWO amazing group of friends (that's right, not just one). That I can fall on anytime (I'm fighting with either group, lol jk) or when I am down. My gaming group that I have formed after my relationship has helped me SO MUCH emotionally through gaming and constant laughter.. I am forever in debt to them. My girlfriends are always amazing and including me even though I haven't really done my part in keeping in touch. Always willing to listen to my woes, and encouraging, motivating me to become the person I want to be. :-)

I live in a beautiful city, and have the luxury of experiencing mother nature around me. At least, what is left that the city hasn't touched.

This could all be taken away any time. People grow up, and move on. We all need to go our own paths eventually. I have expressed in the past that I didn't want to live here forever either. Change is inevitable.

So for the first time in two years, as I was looking out the windows of the bus ride, I was appreciating. Every single tree that is/used to be there, the grocery stores that I often shop at that recently had a renovation, the schools where I grew up at that is now taken over by a new generation, and the Rocky mountains ahead of me that I took for granted, standing tall as always.

I no longer want to live in the past, today I will start living in the present.

Unedit photo of myself in 2011. The day after attending the Britney Spears Concert.

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